Fit Mommy Friday (week 5)

Run Run Run... Well I ran from one place to another but didn't do much actual running.
Monday - Punk had golf practice, Lulu had a eye appointment
Tuesday - Punk had to practice at the range on his own
Wednesday - More golf practice
Thursday - Lulu went inside her school for the first time and more driving range time for Punk
Friday - Today I walked the golf course with Punk, 9 holes in an hour and 45 minutes. for a total of 2.38 miles.
I've made a conscience effort to lower my sugar intake and have done well with it.
I've been blogging on a separate page my daily food and water intake and when it happens my exercise. It's helped me watch what/how often/how badly I eat. My sister was supposed to be doing that with me but doesn't seem interested (she's posted once) so I may make that a separate page here... or not.
I've also been getting more sleep.  It's been broken up... but... I get Baby Girl down first, around 8PM. Then Lulu around 8:30PM, then I spend some time with Punk and go to bed shortly after around 9PM.  Of course I'm up again around 2:30AM for work - but back home between 5:30AM and 7:00AM depending on several things.
Next week.
The golf range opens at 7AM, so I have plans to take Punk every morning for at least 9 holes before the grass dries. so that means 2 miles a day for me.
still limiting my sugar
drinking lots of water

Good Luck to all you other Mommies!!

School is drawing closer. And closer.  
Lulu had "orientation" today.  Basically we all went in, got some papers, they took the kids to another room (where I'm told she played with play-doh) and then the principal went over the do's and don't's for the fresh meat new parents. 
My 5 year old now has:
A PIN number to get her food.  she will go through line and is expected to remember a 5 digit code in order to access money that I put in her "account" for breakfasts/lunches. 
Split classes!  We were told today that she'd have a certain amount of time in one class with the entire class (ex. 20 kids)  Then half would do one thing while the other half studied that subject more in depth.  Um... okay?! 
Don't know how it will work... but I guess I'll have to hang on and see, right?
Then she meets her teachers in a few weeks, this was just a "meet the school" sort of thing.
Punk has two days for his orientation, the 10th and the 19th - I'm hoping at least one won't conflict with golf  or vice versa.  He's also talking about participating in the bowling league.  He bowled last year as well. But I've explained to him that he won't be able to bowl if there are alot of golfing to be done on Saturdays, it just won't be possible.
Baby Girl... well - she's 3 months - smiling her little gummy smiles, nursing, sleeping, and just smelling like heaven on earth. 
I'm so blessed.

Look out Tiger!

Punk made the team!! He's been told that he may not travel with the team because there are 12 of them and they only take 6 to the matches. But after practice today he received a team shirt and a team golf bag!  Thrilled me.. kind of like a letter jacket only... not.  =)

Punks first golf day..

12 people showed up in total for tryouts.  Including the people that were on the team last year. 
Punk thinks he'll make the team.  I hope so, He really loves to play.

Golf Team

Today is Punk's first day trying out for the High School Golf Team.  I hope he does well.  And as much as I hope it rains.. I hope it holds out until he's done with tryouts.

Fit Mommy Friday (week 4)

I have been totally non motivated. Since my oldest daughter came home this week from her grandparents, I've been staying up later (to have ME time) but then that causes me to need a nap when I come home from the paper route.  So I come home and nurse her at 7am, then sleep til she wakes to nurse again... 10.... 11... yawn.. by then the day is shot and it's too hot!
Plus I'm pretty sure that I'm compensating for a lack of... well let's just say I don't get alot of "Mommy-Daddy time"  so I'm having an affair... with SUGAR!  real nice!  there's alot wrong with it, I know. 
If I'm going to pursue this affair I need to do it with something healthier... say like, I don't know a bicycle, or a treadmill, or an early morning run.  Something that would make me sweat instead of bloat.
My sister and I have been talking about starting a blog that we could each journal our food and exercise on. 
We've set up a few rules...
1. No eating in the livingroom or in front of the tv
2. No eating in the car
3. No eating within two hours of bedtime.

I'm going to talk with her about goals for exercise and water.  we'll see how this goes.

Baby's doctor visit

We took our littlest girl to the doctor yesterday. Doc said the same thing the net said.  Milk allergy.  Difficult for me to hear, considering I'm nursing her.  I told him if it's something that I'm eating I'll stop!  He said "to be honest, I could put you strictly on rocks and water and it could still happen to her." 
So, he says we'll watch her.  I'm to continue nursing her and pumping when needed.  If it gets worse we are to change to a formula that he gave me a sample of for 5 days while I continue to pump.
The only thing that I've had different since before she was born has been butter pecan ice cream.  I had a waffle cone on Tuesday and she had the poop on Wednesday.  By the way, she hasn't had poop like that since.
thanks for the well wishes and prayers!!

Worry

Worry
I changed baby's diaper tonight only to find it blood tinged. Net search says milk allergy. Dr in the AM. scared! Prayers?

Who are you, who who, who who... ???

My dad lived with us for 3 years. He shared a bathroom with my son who will be 14 next month. In your opinion who should've been cleaning their bathroom?
It came to my attention today... that no one was cleaning the bathroom.  Keep in mind that I was working two jobs and keeping the rest of the house.. I suppose I just assumed that dad would clean it. 
WRONG.... so so so so so so so WRONG!!!

Fit Mommy Friday (week 3)

Confession - I haven't done alot.
Request for praise - I haven't eaten as much sugar this week as usual.
Discovery - I've found if I eat "breakfast" before going out on the paper route, I don't buy junk food to stay awake! Yea! (It's hard to call it breakfast at 3AM)
Here's what my week looked like:
Monday - Cleaned the Dining Room and the Laundry Room (top to bottom) and did a load of laundry
Tuesday - Cleaned the Kitchen (top to bottom) and did a load of laundry
Wednesday - Cleaned out Vehicles and put away laundry.
Thursday - Weeded flower beds, took a 3 boxes of clothes to Good Will, put away laundry & went to bed early.
Friday - Cleaned the Livingroom (top to bottom) will put away Lulu and Squiggle's laundry, also going through Squiggle's clothes to donate (we have WAY too much 0-3 onesies, gowns and outfits. She went from premie clothes to 3-6 month clothes in two months! Good 'ol breast milk!!)
Next week: 
I will plan meals for each day, but also include my 3AM breakfast.
With LuLu back home I will take her for walks or to the playground or play on the Wii
I will keep house, after all I chose this job I am going to do it!
I will prepare bicycle to be ridden and see if Squiggle will ride in the trailer behind me =)

My LuLu has been gone to her grandparents this week. So, with my son gone to his dad's for the summer it's just been "Squiggle" and Hubby and me.  And believe it or not I actually got the majority of the house cleaned to my liking while LuLu was away.  I hope that I can keep it this way.
I'm so proud... If I posted pics to my page I'd share.  =)
I miss her to pieces though... She's supposed to come back on Sunday.
I pulled out the Dance Dance Revolution and figured out how to work it last week and also got the WII Fit out and did it one day for an hour.

....or so?!

okay, real quick while the baby is sleeping and this is fresh in my mind. 
We bought a car from Hubby's (estranged) mother.  This car is to be used for the paper route. It's a green (pretty) four door 1997 Ford Escort with over 115k miles on it.  It's fairly clean and not beat up (for now!) We had been talking about getting this car from her for a couple months now.  Knowing what was going on and everything we needed a car that I could drive on the route and not have a car payment.  We simply cannot afford two car payments since I've been laid off. Enough background...
Now, we bought the car from her on Saturday, for $2,500.00.   We talked about insurance coverage for the car.  Liability only?  Full?  What happens if it's totalled? (accidents happen, right!?)  What will be covered?  If we do full, would they give us a check for the value?
So here's what's said... (this is after, I assume, he spoke with his dad or friends about the issue)
Me:  "So, which coverage do you think is best?"
Hubby: "Well, I think we should just do liability.  If we do full coverage, they'd only give us the value of the car back - and that'd only be $1500.00 or so"  
Now logic aside... did you just tell me that we gave your MOM an extra $1,000 for her car?  I mean cause when I replay this in my head that's what it sounds like to me... Or is the "or so" the other $1,000??
Because that's a great BIG "or so"

what am I doing that

what am I doing that I can't post? Today I pulled weeds from my flower beds, exchanged a blender, and am doing laundry.

I'm blogging in 160 characters

I'm blogging in 160 characters or less these days. I only have time to text. If I sit down I loose momentum. Feel guilty...

I am so tired of

I am so tired of waisting days. I can't get any housework done. And it's starting to drive me a little more than nuts!

Better Me

LuLu found me sobbing last night.  She'd come down from brushing her teeth, after I'd asked her for the third time.  Her first reaction was to start crying with me.  Then she said "Are we growing up too fast, Mommy?"  which was the reason I'd given her for the last time she saw me blubbering like an idiot.  And it was the honest reason.. they are growing up too fast.  It'd hit me that even though I'm at home I've still not accomplished as much with the girls as I thought I would.
I answered her with the honest reason last night as well.  "Yes, honey.  But mommy just feels like she's not a good mommy sometimes."   She reassured me that I was, which of course made me feel some better.  But knowing that she has nothing to compare it to and that I'd seen the entire day through my own eyes... well, let's just say the crying continued after I got her to sleep.
Sometimes our evenings just flow... and other times it's like a pinball game in here.  I keep hitting walls and pitfalls. My days are reversed from what most housewives experience.  Hubby goes to work at 4PM so we have "family time" during the day.  Right now alot of the family time consists of everyone sleeping while I try not to wake them.  Then making brunch and supper..
Our days go by rather quickly.  By the time 5pm gets here I've already been up for 14 hours if not longer.  Seems like the kids are getting another wind just when I'm winding down. 
I'm tired.

Fit Mommy Friday (week 2)

So, My first week of Fit Mommy didn't go very well.  I slept very little all week and wound up sleeping as soon as I got home from the paper route.  So, I'm going to revamp my goals.
1. I will try to walk each day, at least 1 mile.
1 a.  If I am unable to walk or be outside because of sleep/time/weather, etc.  I will use the WII for 20/30 minutes (as baby allows)
2.  My goal this month is to lose 5lbs.

Keep on Giving

We found out we were pregnant in September.  I felt sure it would be a boy but to my surprise I received a 2nd beautiful daughter.  One problem - I'd decided without much deliberation that we wouldn't have anymore children.  I have a son from my first marriage who's nearly 10 years older than our daughter.  So, considering that and the time that my husband and I actually spend together per day (at the time we only saw each other on weekends because he worked an odd version of 2nd shift and I worked 1st and 3rd)
After deciding that we wouldn't have any more children I'd starting selling all our daughters clothes and toys at yard sales - COME AND GET IT.. $.10 EACH OR A BAG FOR $1.   Needless to say... I sold alot!
When we found out that we were having a girl we let friends know that I'd gotten rid of the clothes from LuLu's first year.  Our friends were sooo sweet!  Everywhere we looked friends had daughters that had grown out of their clothes!  So bags of clothes started showing up left and right!
At Christmas we went to Hubby's bio-mom's house... She said she had gotten some clothes for the baby and LuLu.  When we got there she brought out a few boxes.  She mentioned where the boxes came from but I didn't recognize so I didn't give it much thought.  One box had nothing but baby boy clothes in it.  (this was before we found out we were having a girl, so no biggie...)  The second and third boxes both had clothes of varying sizes; 5T, 6, 10, 12, etc.  Our daughter was in a 4T at Christmas. She seemed so happy to be able to "hand" us a box of clothes that I really couldn't say anything to her. 
I get these boxes home and start to go through them to rewash (cause that's what I do) and sort them.  Not only are the sizes all out of sorts, but the clothes are too.  Some of the clothes were for boys... some were for girls.  Some of the clothes had tags... some had been worn nearly threadbare.  I started wondering where the clothes had come from.  I asked Hubby.  He said it was a donation store for sheltered families and shut-ins... !! WHAT?!   So, let me get this straight... She's given me stuff that was sent in for people who have NOTHING?  This made me feel horrible.  I feel like I'm an accomplice to some sort of theft!  I don't want to accept these "gifts" if they were actually supposed to be donations. 
I understand feeling compelled to get your grandchildren something, but at the expense of others??   And how could anyone really not see it that way?  If she can't afford to give a boat load of things to them, why not give them one thing, or nothing... I know how about trying to be a better grandparent to her grandchildren than she was mother to her son... because from what I hear that left quite a bit to be desired. 
She's continued to give us "gifts" of clothing since then.  They are the same.  Clothes that are much too big or too little for one daughter or the other.   She's been told that she doesn't need to get the kids anything, but she persists.  I've even expressed how we're running out of room because of the clothes that everyone is giving us.  The ones the girls can wear AND the ones that even the oldest of the girls has to wait 2 or 3 more years to wear.  She literally pouted the last time I said something about it... pouted!
So, what am I to do?  Just smile and make her happy... keep my mouth shut, take the clothes, wash, separate, and store them for the next 2 or 3 years until they can wear them?  Or remind her every time she gives them a box clothes that we don't have room for them?  What would you do?

Goals

I've decided that I will have a goal for the remainder of the month.. to lose 5 lbs.

Going through the Motions

I honestly thought things would be different.  I mean I had an 8AM to 5PM (sometimes 6PM) Monday through Friday job, two kids and a husband. I gradually had to pick up the second job, 7 days a week, for four hours a day (delivering newspapers) because my husband and I felt as if we saw some changes happening at my office... a glitch in the force.  That was March of 2009. 
June of 2009 came and my team at work got sent to another office, in another state, to be trained for a week on upcoming system changes with a merger that was taking place.  The company had been bought. 
July 2009, We took the family to the beach for a long weekend. First time I'd ever stepped foot in the ocean. Loved it! 
September 2009 - Our surprise baby decided to make her intended appearance known.  Although it would take the entire month of September for the doctor and my body to be in on the surprise, the baby had her mind made up!
November 2009 - on the 18th I'd scheduled an appointment to get our first daughter's eyes checked.  She'd been "not" seeing things for a little while... the day before an announcement was made that there would be a meeting on the 18th and ALL were needed to attend.  I explained my appointment and was told I would need to reschedule. 
November 18th... The meeting was called to tell us (4 different buildings in three different states, at least 75 people) that we were no longer needed.  Thank you, Goodbye. 

Normally I would have been in panic mode.  But I saw it as an opportunity to reconnect with my family.  To be the mom I'd always wanted to be.  To be the wife I wanted to be.  So far... it's looking more like a pipe dream than I'd thought. 
I kept the newspaper gig.  So, I'm up between 3AM and 4AM, I go deliver papers for 2 and a half hours and come home, round trip and all = four hours. He watches the kids while I'm gone.  He currently works from 4PM to around 1:30AM.  Which also means he's used to sleeping until 11AM. 
Now that the baby is 10 weeks old she's started sleeping through the night. So he can get a full night's sleep, which is good.  But I usually don't get in the bed until 10PM or 11PM, then I'm up again at 3AM or 4AM and stay up all day until 10 or 11 again. 
I guess it's the scheduling of it all that's really got me down. 
I'm trying to clean, but it seems like everyone is sleeping so I can't vacuum or REALLY clean because I'll wake someone.  Then when they wake up it's almost lunch time.  So I try to have some sort of breakfast ready.  Then I try to have supper ready for him to eat with us before he goes to work and so that he can help with the baby while I'm cooking.  By the time supper is over, he's gone to work, I'm beat from being up all day.
I need to get a routine down before I go crazy.  I want to have the house in order but I'd also hoped to take a few classes this fall...  I just don't see adding more work to my schedule when I can't get the housework done.

Guilt

I feel guilty for sitting down to post anything... when there's housework to be done.

...why is it that when the kids are gone all I want to do is sleep?

Make Me Say It Again, Girl

1. Do you feel that you need to keep repeating yourself when talking to a particular person?
     My paternal grandmother, she has had a hard time hearing and now she has a hard time remembering.

2. It's July. Do you have anything special planned?
    Today we're going to a birthday party for a dear friend's daughter.  She turned two this year (and she's adorable!!)
3. Who is your big celebrity crush?  Mike Rowe

4. Tell us about a local restaurant you are sure we'd love.
    If you like barbeque, You'd LOVE Henry's Memphis Barbecue.. it's all delicious there! Different Sauces, Home made Fries, Ribs, Pulled Pork... mmmMMmmmMmmm
5. Tell us about the shyest person that you deal with regularly.
   I'm a stay-at-home mom now... the shyest people I deal with now are shy when they've done something they shouldn't have.
6. What is your vision of heaven and hell?
   Believe it or not... I'm just now getting to know this aspect of my beliefs.
7. What is your neighborhood like?
   It's a nice neighborhood.  Only about 7 or 8 years old. We bought in 7 years ago.  There are all types of people. We have a community yard sale every year.
8. What's your favorite cook-out food?
   main - hamburgers
   side - either grilled corn or baked beans
   dessert - banana pudding
9. When was the last time that you saw fireworks?
  Last July

I've started walking. I want to do it each morning when I get home from the paper route.  Thursday morning Lulu went with me.  Since I haven't walked for exercise in a while I decided it would be better to start slow.  We walked just in our neighborhood which is hilly.  It took me 22 minutes and 43 seconds to walk 1mile and 19 tenths with a 5yo and pushing my 9 wo in the stroller.
I've heard that it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a habit. 
I watched Losing it with Jillian the other night - It inspires me to become more aware of the choices I make.  I want my daughter to be prouder of herself than I am of myself.

I'm thinking of buying a pedometer.. seeing how close to 10,000 steps I can get.

Fit Mommy Friday

I found this meme mid week and decided it would be a good thing to start since I'm trying to get healther.

                     My level of participation is going to be The Beginner Level.
                     My Goals for the Week are: 
                         1. walk at least 1 mile each day
                         2. take vitamins each day
                         3. avoid foods with artifical sugar

I did fairly well.  I walked on Thursday.  1.19 miles  
I can tell you right now that's more than I've walked since my 6th month in  pregnancy and the baby will be 10 weeks old tomorrow.

Join me in getting healthier

Talk Radio

Lately I've been listening to talk radio instead of music.  Even though I have satellite radio I get so bored with listening to music.  Let's face it... I get bored very quickly, with everything.

Here is a list of book titles that have been discussed recently, that I would like to read:

What's Going on in There

Be Happy without being Perfect

The Wisdom of Menopause

Running Late

I overslept this morning!  I hate it!!  I usually try to be at the "drop site" to pick up my papers by 4AM.  Which means get up and either pump for the baby or nurse the baby then grab my water, wallet and keys and dash.  But this morning, even though I have an alarm set for 2:30 and another for 3:15, I sat straight up in the bed at 4:10AM!!!  Good Grief!!  So I came downstairs, pumped,  woke Hubby up, who was sleeping on the couch (He comes in from work around 1AM), handed him some fresh squeezed in a bottle, and dashed. 
My right rear tire was low, again.  So, I stopped for air, again! 
Hit the first box at 4:59 and the last box at 7:15...   not to shabby for daylight paper throwin'

Confessions - #1

I have a confession.  I over eat. Not when I'm eating meals but when I'm eating snacks.  Sugar is a weakness.  What's worse... I try to hide it.  I realized this yesterday after our daughter's birthday party.  I made cupcakes and when we got home I'd eaten three before I realized that I'd even gotten any out of the platter.  I get defensive when someone watches me eat or comes in the room that I was trying to "hide" in. 
I'd really like to get in better shape, lose weight, eat better... I'm not going to make excuses about it except for to say that right now.. I'm just not trying and instead I'm putting other things/people ahead of myself (like I always do)

Welcome to Summertime 2010!

1. It became officially summer on Monday. What's your favorite part of winter?
    My favorite part of winter is the quiet right after a heavy snow.
2. What was your worst summer vacation ever?
     My worst summer vacation ever was a trip that I took with my ex-husband. We went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, VA. We had fought for months before that, we fought the entire trip.  It was awlful.
3. Kimber's husband just got the dream job that he's hoped for. So a big shout out to her and Anthony! Tell us about the best job that you ever had.
    I believe that the job I have now will be the best one ever.  I just hope that I can perform as well as I should be expected.  I'm a stay at home mom.
4. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
    I really don't know. No one I hope.
5. An alien appears and offers you the opportunity to repeat one year of your life. You will still know everything that you know now. He explains that no matter what you do differently, when you are returned to the present nothing will have changed. What year would you pick and why?
   I would pick the year I met my husband.  I would go back and try to learn more about him.  I'd spend alot of time with his grandmother I'd ask her to teach me to sew, knit, crochet, garden, can... all the things I feel that I should know by now.
6. Name three things you have on you at all times. Explain why.
   My cell phone - I never know when someone will call.
   my earrings - hubby gave 'em to me they're beautiful
   my glasses - cause I can't see farther than two or three feet without me
7. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
    When it wasn't a birthday card?? the last time would've been in grade school, when we had pen pals.  It's been a very long time.
8. If you could have everyone in the blogosphere read just one of your posts, which post would you pick and why?
   I haven't written one that I would want EVERYONE to read.
9. I recently read that the music industry continues to decline at an alarming rate. In the last year it said the sales of Michael Jackson's and The Beatles' music are the only artists who sales continue to climb. The article stated that the two are holding up the industry. Have you bought a CD or mp3 of either artist recently?
    No.
10. What radio ad right now do you find so annoying that you'd rather have a tooth drilled than hear it again?
   I listen to XM radio, no commercials.
11. Berleen walks into a bar on a hot Minnesota day. At the bar sits a priest, a rabbi and a minister. A ten foot duck walks into the bar right after Berleen. What drink do you think Berleen orders?
    She would order a Malibu Bay Breeze.
12. There is a knock on your door. It can be anyone in the world. Who would you want it to be?
      Me, In 5 years. 
13. What would be the worst entertainment or sporting that you could be forced to watch?
     Televised Marble Competitions

so much for that idea.. literally opened the door to a flash flood! Will just have to work indoors today!

Getting Stuff Done.

Gonna try to pull some weeds out of the landscaping before it starts storming.

Too many Voices

Yesterday was our daughter's 5th birthday and of course Sunday was Father's day. So, instead of spending Sunday cleaning the house I decided to spend it with my husband and the girls. I probably shouldn't let that happen again, let me explain.
The party is scheduled for Saturday.. everyone that I can think of has been invited, Including my husband's parents. Yesterday at around 10AM we get a phone call. My husband's parents have decided that they're going to drive down to surprise Lulu on her birthday. Well, not only did that surprise her but it also caught me completely off guard. I haven't been spending every waking moment cleaning because I've been spending it catching up on sleep and getting used to having a new baby in our family. But, needless to say I get a little freaked out when I don't have things cleaned the way I think they should be. Then double that when unexpected company decides to show up. Feels more like a surprise inspection than a visit.
Usually when I feel this way it reminds me of conversations that my paternal grandmother would have with me. She would talk about how awful of a housewife my mother was. She would tell me that my mother had stolen quilts from her. We lived next door to her until I was 14 and at one point she showed me pictures that she'd taken of the rooms in our house while we weren't home. Mind you, this irritates me to no end. She actually took the time to go into our home, take pictures, and have them developed so that she could have something to be upset about (or "proof" that she had a "reason" to be upset). Not only that but she had the nerve to discuss MY mother with ME. How exactly was I supposed to feel about that? "Oh, thank you Grandmother, for showing me that no matter what I can count on you to sneak around behind our backs to pick to death what we are and aren't doing!!" "thank you for showing me that Mom doesn't clean to your standards (bi the way, what are your standards? cause you never showed me either)
I'm working on putting my grandmother's voice out of my head and instead building routines that will help me keep house the way I want to.

Obession

I have a new passion or I guess you could call it a vice. If I'm the only adult in the house the tv is on Food Network. I absolutely love it. I love to create and of course I love to eat. So, I guess it goes without saying that cooking would become something that I enjoy at some point in my life. It's a good thing too, because if I'm not cooking something from scratch then whatever I'm eating isn't good for me, like take-out for example. Now I'm not knocking that kind of living. But for me... it's not something that I want to do for a long period of time. Because I start hateing to eat. I've literally said it before "I'm so sick of eating! It's always the same garbage!!" So, preparing something from scratch or something that I haven't eaten before gives me a reason to eat.
I've been getting my ideas from savingdinner.com for the last 4 years. I love her. I was very stressed before I found her and her sister (FLYlady). I'm trying to get my flying back together; it's taking longer than I'd hoped it would but with a new precious baby and getting used to wearing that hat again... I can live with a few areas of the house being tormented by clutter. (Or at least I can lie and say that I can)

On the menu today... Applesauce Pork Chops.

Considering...

I'm considering deleting all pages of my blog and starting from scratch. I feel my life has gone through a complete over haul and maybe the same should be done to the blog..
we'll see.

Again with the questions???

My very first day of having only one job went as well as it could, with both kids at home, 12 inches of snow on the ground and 7 months pregnant.
However, little did I know that at 4PM on that day I would receive a phone call from a manager at "the bank" asking me to come work for him for 30 days.
"I'm calling to ask a question... and to beg."
"Beg? Really?... ok, you've got my attention."

A position that I used to have (I worked for 14 people, gathering the information from clients needed to complete mortgages. ie - you'd send me your taxes, proof of home owners, proof of income, etc) has two people doing it and they are in need of help. One of them "C" is cutting her hours because her mom is in the hospital with cancer and she's devoting a large majority of her time to her mom. (Proud of her for that). "C" also happens to be in the same boat I was, currently working at "the bank" that you've worked at over 10 years - but do to the merger you're now only temporary because the new owners have completely closed your department. Or in her case completely cut her position. "A" is the other woman currently in this position, and since I got the phone call I've been told by various sources that "A" is taking some time off as well. No one was sure how long.

So, go back to the bank... for 30 days (or longer if I want) as a temporary rep.
(I can only have a temporary position for a total of 18 months & I've already worked 2 of them)
Or stay at home continuing to do the paper route nightly
Or go back to work at the bank and keep the route like I've done for the past 11 months
Or go back to the bank and eventually give up the route, hoping that I'll find a full time position within the bank within the next 16 months

Of course there are pros and cons to each. With the bank its temporary and I really won't know when or if it will ever be permanent again.
Almost the same with the paper route, if the paper should go under (alot have recently) I'm toast.

A pro with the bank.. I've been there for 11 years, people know me/my work/etc.
A pro with the route - it's nights only, I have the days free to plan dr visits, checkups, dental appts, errand running, school visits, parent teacher conferences, you name it.

A con with the bank - As with most jobs, I'd have to account for every minute not spent there, and use the allowed "time away" for all the visits that my kids need.
A con with the route - It's every night - no matter the weather, the holiday, if I'm sick, whatever. If I need a day off I have to find someone to cover for me and I have to pay them.

There's been alot of talk among the people that remained at the bank as temp employees. We were all offered a severance and then before the notice period were offered the temporary position, and it was sugar coated with 'they will be posting for the jobs that you're doing in February' (as of 02/15, there has been no posting)
Some of us have left in an attempt to see if after a 45 day time frame they would receive their severance and then come back as a temp employee. I'm not quite sure if that's something those particular people were worried with or if they were in a spot to do this because there have only been two to do this.

Well, I have a few questions that need to be answered before I know what I should do. I really hate to burn a bridge.

Day 1

Last night I got up to go do the route at 1:30AM. The answering machine that the newspaper updates when different trucks leave the building said... "As of 1:15AM the press is down, phone system will be updated as soon as the press is up and the state trucks have left." At 2:22AM my truck left the building.
It was 26 degrees on the bank sign as I went by. About an hour later the snow that was supposed to start this afternoon began.
I wound up getting stuck in the snow at an elderly subscribers home, Hubs had to come dig me out. It was a good thing that he did because the snow fell fast and the roads got very slick. Cell phone towers went down, so I'm glad I called him when I did. He stayed and we split the route for a few streets, then when he caught up with me I parked the car and we finished in the truck (thank goodness for 4 wheel drive)
School wound up being closed so the kids and I have spent the day together playing, coloring and napping.
LuLu had an eye appointment at 2:15, but they called to reschedule saying they were closing early. So, I guess we'll be doing that next week.

No Patch, Ugh! Problems!!

Today was my last day at work. It was also a day that school was two hours late for Punk. I was already at work when he got up. I got so busy at work that I completely forgot to call to make sure that he got up and got to school. So, I text him. He text me back after school to tell me that he was at school.
I realized after I picked him up from Chess Club that he didn't have his patch on. It only takes about 30 seconds of watching him describe his day or the sounds that he makes to realize this. Of course, it's too late now. His patch is good for 9 hours, if he put one on now he wouldn't be able to sleep even if he took it off right before bed.
He tells me he has lots of homework. The teacher has assigned his homework in that class for the entire week, because of the weather we've been having. So, after we pick up LuLu and drive back home I start on supper and ask him to start his homework. 5 minutes later I find him in his room, dancing around with his tv on cartoons. (Excuse me, homework please)
I ask him to come downstairs to start his homework and get ready for supper, 5 minutes later he's downstairs. I put supper on our plates, Apple wraps with chips and dip. It literally took him an hour to eat. An Hour!
So, knowing that I already know the answer to the question, I ask it anyway.
"Do you have your patch on?"
"yes"
"Show me"
"okay, I don't have it on"
"I knew that already"

When he finally got done with his supper, it took him almost another hour to do two pages in a Science workbook, with the book for answers. He kept tapping his pen on the table or listening to the conversation in the next room (and adding to the conversation)
I'm hoping that we'll be able to get a better handle on it.
sigh!

We've been getting ALOT of snow. Last Sunday's paper was delivered on Sunday between 8AM and 1PM rather than my normal 3AM to 6AM. LuLu and I delivered the papers and were pulling into Mickey D's for a little lunch when my phone rang. It was my dad.
"Hey baby girl, did my W2s show up in the mail yet?"
"Yea, I was actually gonna wait to call you because Hubs has walking pneumonia."
"Oh"
"I'm just getting back off the paper route. But if you want to stop by, I'll be there in about 20 minutes."
"yea, I need to."

So, I get what we need at Mickey D's and drive home. Dad is in the driveway talking with the neighbor who borrowed our shovel that day because his broke the week before. Now, let me remind you that I haven't seen my dad since 12/18. So, I pull myself out of the car, 7 months pregnant and showing it, and start to get LuLu and our lunch out. Dad stand there for a second, gathers himself and starts talking again.
"Um, one weekend I'll bring a truck down and get the rest of my stuff out of that room. That way there won't be so many trips. Just give me a couple days notice."
"ok"

He came in, went on and on making small talk until I nearly fell asleep (I'd been up since 2AM getting the papers, putting them together, bagging them, etc) the he decided he'd leave.

I honestly believe that he was waiting to see if I actually was pregnant or if I just said that I was to try to get him to move his crap out of the bedroom he occupied for all of one year.

Transition...

LuLu stayed home with us yesterday because we were scared that she might be exposed to whatever bug was making us sick so we kept her home from daycare. When I needed to leave the house to take Punk to guitar lessons, LuLu didn't want me to leave. She doesn't normally act that way. Then Hubs mentioned that it would be that way when she got ready to go to school.
I've been under the impression the entire time that we would continue to take LuLu to daycare until she started school. I believe that it will an easier transition for her to go from daycare to school rather than home with me and the baby to school.

We have another uninvited guest: The Stomach Bug

sick, sick, sick...
I left work early last Wednesday(at 3pm) because the sitter called, "LuLu's throwing up." So, I go pick her up and the first thing she says is "where's daddy?" (I love you too, Sweetie) Hubby came home early because I needed to go to sleep so that I could work that night and stay home with Lu the next day. While he was home he started feeling bad.
Early Friday morning around 3am, Punk texted me let me know that his stomach hurt and was growling. I told him to go prepare his bathroom, just in case. You know make sure there was toliet paper, wipes... and he may want to make a bed in the hall. (Since LuLu and Hubby are both piled up in the livingroom near the half bath) About 30 minutes later he text me that he'd just thrown up 8 times. So, it was official everyone's sick.
I was hoping that I'd made it through the thick of the sickness without any problems. And then came Monday.
I went out on the paper route, didn't feel very different.. one of Hubby's friends called me and we talked for most of the time that I was on the route. When I got home I was a little wired so I worked on a puzzle that I'd started on the dining room table, then I went to take a shower. That's when I got sick. The heat in the shower.. I thought I was gonna pass out.. no matter what I did to the temp of the water.. UGH! I got out laid down for a bit.. and went to work. By noon I knew I wasn't gonna make it the rest of the day. And by 4pm I was on the way home. I won't go into details but I will say that my stomach was rolling and it wasn't from the baby. When I got home, Hubs told me he'd also gotten sick, very sick. So, he and I have spent the last two days sick as dogs. I have been on the couch in the livingroom and Hubs has been in the masterbed room sleeping in the floor near the bathroom.
I'm begging you... please wash your hands!!!

Yesterday a coworker I'd seen but not met passed me as I walked to my desk. She said, "Oh, When are you due?"
Yes apparently it is now that obivious that I'm pregnant and it should be I'm 6 months along.
I said "May 1st"
Her immediate response was "OMG! YOU'RE HUGE!!!"
I was stunned, for several reasons.. ( I couldn't believe a grown woman would say something like that, out loud, to my face, and IMO without thinking, Not to mention that I just started wearing maturnity clothes on Monday and I've only gained 6 lbs from my previous non pregnant weight! ) so, I wasn't able to quip her like I normally would.
My retort was a calmly spoken "wow, that's great, thanks!"

Last night I thought about what she'd said and what I could've said (yes, I'm one of THOSE people)
here's what I've thought of so far... feel free to add your own.

1. Really? That's what you're going with?
2. I'll give you a moment to rethink your response.
3. I'm sorry, I'm only accepting compliments today...
4. Let me guess, that foot could use a little more tabasco, right?
5. That reminds me I want to borrow some of your clothes.

Cry, Cry Baby!

Last night I had a <<>> breakdown. let me try to explain..
I really need to get in the bed much earlier than I do, but it never seems to go that way. There's always things for me to get done, or I want to spend a little more awake time with the kids.. or something.
Anyway last night I'm sitting in the floor in the bedroom (because the laptop lost a driver and we have to keep it plugged up, major pain!) I'm balancing the checkbook or doing whatever it was.. LuLu and Punk start their little picking with one another.. "he's in my way", "I didn't even touch her".. yadda yadda - you probably know the drill... (What gets to me is they're nearly 10 years apart and still have these little tifs...)
I give up and decide that the only way I'm going to get anything done is to try to do it at work on my lunch break. I beg Punk for the 10th time, to go brush his teeth and go to bed, "It's after 9pm and you should've been in the bed a half hour ago... and you have exams tomorrow... please!!!" LuLu starts doing her own thing, she literally hugged me when she asked me if she could go lay her clothes out for the morning and I said yes. "oh, thank you Mommy! That makes me so happy!!"
I make my way to the bathroom and sit down. A few seconds later, I see Punk come in my room, walk toward the bathroom and look at me through the full length mirror that is right outside the door. I've caught him doing this a few times in the last week. He doesn't announce his presence, he just comes right over...
Once again I tried to explain to him that I'd really rather he not see me on the toilet. (I can't imagine that being anyone's goal at this point) He didn't seem to understand the concept. I tried again. Do you want me in your bathroom when you're on the toilet? In the shower? I didn't think so. Please, the next time that you come to my bedroom door and you don't see me... please don't walk any farther, please say my name and I will answer and tell you where I am.. or I'll say just a minute. but please don't come into my bathroom without letting me know.
It hurt my feelings that I had to explain that to him. That I had to say... I don't want you to see me... and I started crying. Then LuLu, who sleeps with me when her daddy isn't home, starts asking a bunch of questions and going on and on. But that upset me because I couldn't just be upset, by myself, without having to explain why in minute detail. So, I cried harder.
Then I started feeling guilty because I became upset that I actually wanted to be alone. And that hurt my feelings even more.
I'm going to hope that all of this was just hormones and not something I can hope to have reoccur.

Should I stay or should I go now

20 more days left in my 60 day temporary contract at work. Then what will I be doing. Some days I could tell you that I want to continue to work. Other days... I really want to stay home, raise my kids, clean my house, grow a garden, can my veggies... I'm so torn.
I know it may not sound like a big decision to some people. But if you were truly given the option what would you do? There are so many things to consider. So many things to worry about.
They've talked about offering me additional time to work, with the intention that when I don't want to work anymore I just put in a two weeks notice and go home. They say at that point my severance package would kick in and it would be as they has planned it being back in November. Sounds a little too good to be true, coming from the same company who literally laid us off one day and asked us back the next.
With the baby due May 1st, The option of working an additional 60 days is a little tempting and also not. It'd be nice to work until the baby comes because that's what I've always done. But it'd also be nice to get the house in order and catch up on some sleep. Since I started working two jobs back last March my housekeeping and sleep have both gone downhill.
It won't be as though I've completely stopped working... I'll keep one job. The paper route seems like the obivious choice for right now. I don't need a sitter for that job, since Hubs is home when I'm doing the route. So that saves roughly $600 a month.
I'm babbling.. sorry. I'm just confused, it's so much easier making descisions that don't effect a family of five.

Petty, but not Richard Petty

Sunday, my ex called at around 2PM.
"Do you want to meet me in _______, since I had to come all the way to your house to pick up Punk for the weekend?'

Now let me tell you for the last seven years I have done my level best to make sure that Punk is with his dad whenever he wants to be. Even though the divorce agreement says every other weekend and half the major holidays beginning at 6pm on certain days. (Christmas eve, for one)
The 18th was my birthday, on a Friday - He orgianlly wanted Punk on that day, but because it was my birthday he was willing to let go til the following day. The 18th was also the same day we had a HUGE snow, 20 inches - here that's alot. Friday goes by, Saturday goes by, Sunday the 20th Punk's dad has decided I should be able to get out by now and he wants to meet me to pick up Punk. Our meeting place is just off the interstate at roughly 40 miles in between the two houses. I try to explain to him I have a horrible sinus infection, the state police has asked people to stay off the roads, and ask if he can wait until the roads are a little clearer and I'd be glad to bring him. He counters with.. well Monday is bad for me, and Tuesday is probably out too... this doesn't sit well with him.. he hangs up with me.. and calls Punk on Punk's cell phone.. then I get a call back about 20 minutes after they hang up. "Tell Punk, I'm coming to pick him up. I just come down and get him."
The entire trip takes an hour and 15 minutes in good weather and steady traffic. It took him a little over double.
Punk is 13, but even at 13, Christmas still means something, even if it's just "What did I get from..." Well, he didn't get to have a Christmas with us until January 3rd. He didn't go to my husband's parent's home for Christmas - we brought his gifts back home to him. (this happens every year, He rarely sees them, cause we go on the weekends and he is normally with his dad) They treat him like he's one of their grandchildren so it hurts them when he doesn't come too.
But the statement from my ex.. made me realize that sometimes... people really don't change... It boiled down to meeting him 20 miles closer to his side of the 'line', I suppose he felt as though I was "paying him back" for the gas it took to get him to my side of the line. When in reality, it wasn't truly his day to have him, and to be honest.. he could've waited another couple of days. No, because he's now spoiled. He gets Punk when he wants him. Early, late, not at all, traded weekends, you name it. I wonder though... if the shoe were on the other foot. If Punk decided to move to his dad's, would I get the same "extra time" that he's gotten all these years?
My gut says... no, after it pee's itself laughing.

Ever happen to you??

I just jumped straight up out of bed! Looked at my cell phone, which I use for an alarm clock. 5:12
Wait a minute, 5:12... AM? Seriously? why didn't my alarm go off at 1AM (or 1:30AM, I have back to back alarms set because sometimes I have a hard time hearing the alarm and getting up)
I get up RUN to the bathroom, Pee, I thinking ... "Holy Cow, Hubs must be downstairs knocked out asleep" (he has a horrible sinus infection and usually when he comes home he will come talk with me while I dress to leave or we'll talk downstairs if he's late getting home from work) "How on earth am I gonna deliver 2 and 1/2 hours worth of newspapers and be done before 6:30???" "I am soooo screwed!!"
Done with the restroom, I find all the warm clothes I have laid out.. I dress in layers because it's like 12 degrees outside and I have to ride with my window down or cracked 90% of the route. Throw my clothes on run back over to my nightstand to get my phone and glasses... pass the tv on the way (clock on top...focusing on it... focus, focus) clock says 12:48! 12:48AM HUH? well what does the phone say again? Oh... Jan 5 12:48AM
Nice! I've just scared myself half-to-death, good grief!!!
Hate when that happens!

Hindsight's 20/20

a few years ago my dad lost his job... "move down here, there are jobs here... come stay with us..." I offered, it was the least I felt I could do. We had a good relationship, he and Hubs got along (drinking buddies, in fact) and there would be someone at home with me because his schedule was the same as mine and my schedule has always been the opposite of Hubs' schedule.
Fast forward through the next two years. Dad stayed with us for the first year. Never paid a penny for rent or utilities, I never asked him too. He held multiple jobs. None of them were quite what he wanted. He would stay most evenings with his ex-girlfriend and their daughter, until the daughter would go to bed, then he'd come here to sleep. Until he stopped staying here, he would come pick up a few of his clothes and go spend a few weeks with them. (They moved down when he did and live in a neighboring town) Then he stopped coming over all together, stopped calling. He got a job that included training that would keep him away for several months. He finished the training, got certified, and quit.
In September 2009 I found out that I am pregnant. He hasn't been here in almost two years. The room that he slept in still holds all his stuff, ie bed, dresser, clothes, tv, movies...
In October 2009, I call him, Dad - I just found out I'm pregnant, we're gonna be needing the bedroom that your things are in for the baby. Do you think you could come get it? Sure, no problem.
Almost a month goes by before I hear from him again. He texted me... Do you think I could come stay with you? Until I can find a job back home? My dreaded reply.. Sure, are you working now? He apparently was working, but didn't know how long it would last and said he wanted to find work where we are originally from. He comes home that Sunday, bringing things to prepare his lunch with for the week.
The next two months would be interesting... During the week, He would come home after my kids and I had gone to bed. And on the weekend, he wouldn't come home until Sunday around 8PM.
He has habits that I don't approve of... one of them being he smokes. But I don't mention anything to him about it, except for the request that he do that outside and never in the house. On the other hand, my kids have mentioned it to him or said something in passing. The 13 year old has really only said something to me... smoking really bothers his asthma. But the four year old, well, you know how four year olds can be... "Paw Paw, cigarettes is nasty!" and things like that to him. And mostly questions like "Why do Paw Paw's smoke?" to me. (Both her Paw Paw's smoke) Now as I've told friends with these questions, I'm not going to beg her not to smoke, tell her it's nasty and then turn around and reprimand her for telling him that. I believe that would be couterproductive on my part.
December 2009. He text me on the 18th after he'd left home for the day. Not sure at this point if he'd been working or not. "Have a good doctor's appointment, Happy Birthday" (He found out about the dr appt from Facebook, he's on my friends list) After the 18th I didn't hear anything from him...until January 1st at 3:30pm.. he texted me "Happy New Year, I love ya" and nothing since.
It's been a little upsetting, it's been strange, it's even been mind boggling... but I really don't know what to think of him... and I feel that my family and I have been used. And I really hate that it was by my own dad.

A new year... a new me?!

I have aspirations of what I'd like to accomplish this year. And hopes for a "more together" family. Especially with me becoming a stay-at-home mom in the next month or so.. More details to come on that (because to me it still seems a little like a pipe dream.

Since my daughter was born my home making skills have taken a back seat to raising her, occasional sickness, and working two jobs. Time flies when you only have two hours a day to clean.. stuff starts piling up and pretty soon. Well, let's just say I'm not the nicest person to live with if I see too much clutter. (even if it's my own)
I always say I'm going to write more here... and I hope to.. but as you know things catch up with you. Time gets shorter and before I know it.. there's not enough time to sit down and pull thoughts out of my head to put down. (Or they're thoughts that I could quite possibly regret and therefore.. have a bowl of ice cream instead of sharing them with you)