LuLu found me sobbing last night. She'd come down from brushing her teeth, after I'd asked her for the third time. Her first reaction was to start crying with me. Then she said "Are we growing up too fast, Mommy?" which was the reason I'd given her for the last time she saw me blubbering like an idiot. And it was the honest reason.. they are growing up too fast. It'd hit me that even though I'm at home I've still not accomplished as much with the girls as I thought I would.
I answered her with the honest reason last night as well. "Yes, honey. But mommy just feels like she's not a good mommy sometimes." She reassured me that I was, which of course made me feel some better. But knowing that she has nothing to compare it to and that I'd seen the entire day through my own eyes... well, let's just say the crying continued after I got her to sleep.
Sometimes our evenings just flow... and other times it's like a pinball game in here. I keep hitting walls and pitfalls. My days are reversed from what most housewives experience. Hubby goes to work at 4PM so we have "family time" during the day. Right now alot of the family time consists of everyone sleeping while I try not to wake them. Then making brunch and supper..
Our days go by rather quickly. By the time 5pm gets here I've already been up for 14 hours if not longer. Seems like the kids are getting another wind just when I'm winding down.
I'm tired.
2 comments:
I have a 9 month old. My first child. I'm a mess of emotions; am I doing this right? Is there a better way? Will she be complaining about this on a therapist's couch in 30 years? Even in only 9 months I already think she's growing up too fast! I miss some of her newborn traits...but I am anxiously awaiting to see the marvelous woman shes grows into.
>mingle<
Sometimes it just all seems overwhelming and the best thing to do is cry. Other days you can cope better.
{{hugs}}
*mingle*
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