Going through the Motions

I honestly thought things would be different.  I mean I had an 8AM to 5PM (sometimes 6PM) Monday through Friday job, two kids and a husband. I gradually had to pick up the second job, 7 days a week, for four hours a day (delivering newspapers) because my husband and I felt as if we saw some changes happening at my office... a glitch in the force.  That was March of 2009. 
June of 2009 came and my team at work got sent to another office, in another state, to be trained for a week on upcoming system changes with a merger that was taking place.  The company had been bought. 
July 2009, We took the family to the beach for a long weekend. First time I'd ever stepped foot in the ocean. Loved it! 
September 2009 - Our surprise baby decided to make her intended appearance known.  Although it would take the entire month of September for the doctor and my body to be in on the surprise, the baby had her mind made up!
November 2009 - on the 18th I'd scheduled an appointment to get our first daughter's eyes checked.  She'd been "not" seeing things for a little while... the day before an announcement was made that there would be a meeting on the 18th and ALL were needed to attend.  I explained my appointment and was told I would need to reschedule. 
November 18th... The meeting was called to tell us (4 different buildings in three different states, at least 75 people) that we were no longer needed.  Thank you, Goodbye. 

Normally I would have been in panic mode.  But I saw it as an opportunity to reconnect with my family.  To be the mom I'd always wanted to be.  To be the wife I wanted to be.  So far... it's looking more like a pipe dream than I'd thought. 
I kept the newspaper gig.  So, I'm up between 3AM and 4AM, I go deliver papers for 2 and a half hours and come home, round trip and all = four hours. He watches the kids while I'm gone.  He currently works from 4PM to around 1:30AM.  Which also means he's used to sleeping until 11AM. 
Now that the baby is 10 weeks old she's started sleeping through the night. So he can get a full night's sleep, which is good.  But I usually don't get in the bed until 10PM or 11PM, then I'm up again at 3AM or 4AM and stay up all day until 10 or 11 again. 
I guess it's the scheduling of it all that's really got me down. 
I'm trying to clean, but it seems like everyone is sleeping so I can't vacuum or REALLY clean because I'll wake someone.  Then when they wake up it's almost lunch time.  So I try to have some sort of breakfast ready.  Then I try to have supper ready for him to eat with us before he goes to work and so that he can help with the baby while I'm cooking.  By the time supper is over, he's gone to work, I'm beat from being up all day.
I need to get a routine down before I go crazy.  I want to have the house in order but I'd also hoped to take a few classes this fall...  I just don't see adding more work to my schedule when I can't get the housework done.

Guilt

I feel guilty for sitting down to post anything... when there's housework to be done.

...why is it that when the kids are gone all I want to do is sleep?

Make Me Say It Again, Girl

1. Do you feel that you need to keep repeating yourself when talking to a particular person?
     My paternal grandmother, she has had a hard time hearing and now she has a hard time remembering.

2. It's July. Do you have anything special planned?
    Today we're going to a birthday party for a dear friend's daughter.  She turned two this year (and she's adorable!!)
3. Who is your big celebrity crush?  Mike Rowe

4. Tell us about a local restaurant you are sure we'd love.
    If you like barbeque, You'd LOVE Henry's Memphis Barbecue.. it's all delicious there! Different Sauces, Home made Fries, Ribs, Pulled Pork... mmmMMmmmMmmm
5. Tell us about the shyest person that you deal with regularly.
   I'm a stay-at-home mom now... the shyest people I deal with now are shy when they've done something they shouldn't have.
6. What is your vision of heaven and hell?
   Believe it or not... I'm just now getting to know this aspect of my beliefs.
7. What is your neighborhood like?
   It's a nice neighborhood.  Only about 7 or 8 years old. We bought in 7 years ago.  There are all types of people. We have a community yard sale every year.
8. What's your favorite cook-out food?
   main - hamburgers
   side - either grilled corn or baked beans
   dessert - banana pudding
9. When was the last time that you saw fireworks?
  Last July

I've started walking. I want to do it each morning when I get home from the paper route.  Thursday morning Lulu went with me.  Since I haven't walked for exercise in a while I decided it would be better to start slow.  We walked just in our neighborhood which is hilly.  It took me 22 minutes and 43 seconds to walk 1mile and 19 tenths with a 5yo and pushing my 9 wo in the stroller.
I've heard that it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a habit. 
I watched Losing it with Jillian the other night - It inspires me to become more aware of the choices I make.  I want my daughter to be prouder of herself than I am of myself.

I'm thinking of buying a pedometer.. seeing how close to 10,000 steps I can get.

Fit Mommy Friday

I found this meme mid week and decided it would be a good thing to start since I'm trying to get healther.

                     My level of participation is going to be The Beginner Level.
                     My Goals for the Week are: 
                         1. walk at least 1 mile each day
                         2. take vitamins each day
                         3. avoid foods with artifical sugar

I did fairly well.  I walked on Thursday.  1.19 miles  
I can tell you right now that's more than I've walked since my 6th month in  pregnancy and the baby will be 10 weeks old tomorrow.

Join me in getting healthier

Talk Radio

Lately I've been listening to talk radio instead of music.  Even though I have satellite radio I get so bored with listening to music.  Let's face it... I get bored very quickly, with everything.

Here is a list of book titles that have been discussed recently, that I would like to read:

What's Going on in There

Be Happy without being Perfect

The Wisdom of Menopause

Running Late

I overslept this morning!  I hate it!!  I usually try to be at the "drop site" to pick up my papers by 4AM.  Which means get up and either pump for the baby or nurse the baby then grab my water, wallet and keys and dash.  But this morning, even though I have an alarm set for 2:30 and another for 3:15, I sat straight up in the bed at 4:10AM!!!  Good Grief!!  So I came downstairs, pumped,  woke Hubby up, who was sleeping on the couch (He comes in from work around 1AM), handed him some fresh squeezed in a bottle, and dashed. 
My right rear tire was low, again.  So, I stopped for air, again! 
Hit the first box at 4:59 and the last box at 7:15...   not to shabby for daylight paper throwin'

Confessions - #1

I have a confession.  I over eat. Not when I'm eating meals but when I'm eating snacks.  Sugar is a weakness.  What's worse... I try to hide it.  I realized this yesterday after our daughter's birthday party.  I made cupcakes and when we got home I'd eaten three before I realized that I'd even gotten any out of the platter.  I get defensive when someone watches me eat or comes in the room that I was trying to "hide" in. 
I'd really like to get in better shape, lose weight, eat better... I'm not going to make excuses about it except for to say that right now.. I'm just not trying and instead I'm putting other things/people ahead of myself (like I always do)

Welcome to Summertime 2010!

1. It became officially summer on Monday. What's your favorite part of winter?
    My favorite part of winter is the quiet right after a heavy snow.
2. What was your worst summer vacation ever?
     My worst summer vacation ever was a trip that I took with my ex-husband. We went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, VA. We had fought for months before that, we fought the entire trip.  It was awlful.
3. Kimber's husband just got the dream job that he's hoped for. So a big shout out to her and Anthony! Tell us about the best job that you ever had.
    I believe that the job I have now will be the best one ever.  I just hope that I can perform as well as I should be expected.  I'm a stay at home mom.
4. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
    I really don't know. No one I hope.
5. An alien appears and offers you the opportunity to repeat one year of your life. You will still know everything that you know now. He explains that no matter what you do differently, when you are returned to the present nothing will have changed. What year would you pick and why?
   I would pick the year I met my husband.  I would go back and try to learn more about him.  I'd spend alot of time with his grandmother I'd ask her to teach me to sew, knit, crochet, garden, can... all the things I feel that I should know by now.
6. Name three things you have on you at all times. Explain why.
   My cell phone - I never know when someone will call.
   my earrings - hubby gave 'em to me they're beautiful
   my glasses - cause I can't see farther than two or three feet without me
7. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
    When it wasn't a birthday card?? the last time would've been in grade school, when we had pen pals.  It's been a very long time.
8. If you could have everyone in the blogosphere read just one of your posts, which post would you pick and why?
   I haven't written one that I would want EVERYONE to read.
9. I recently read that the music industry continues to decline at an alarming rate. In the last year it said the sales of Michael Jackson's and The Beatles' music are the only artists who sales continue to climb. The article stated that the two are holding up the industry. Have you bought a CD or mp3 of either artist recently?
    No.
10. What radio ad right now do you find so annoying that you'd rather have a tooth drilled than hear it again?
   I listen to XM radio, no commercials.
11. Berleen walks into a bar on a hot Minnesota day. At the bar sits a priest, a rabbi and a minister. A ten foot duck walks into the bar right after Berleen. What drink do you think Berleen orders?
    She would order a Malibu Bay Breeze.
12. There is a knock on your door. It can be anyone in the world. Who would you want it to be?
      Me, In 5 years. 
13. What would be the worst entertainment or sporting that you could be forced to watch?
     Televised Marble Competitions

so much for that idea.. literally opened the door to a flash flood! Will just have to work indoors today!

Getting Stuff Done.

Gonna try to pull some weeds out of the landscaping before it starts storming.

Too many Voices

Yesterday was our daughter's 5th birthday and of course Sunday was Father's day. So, instead of spending Sunday cleaning the house I decided to spend it with my husband and the girls. I probably shouldn't let that happen again, let me explain.
The party is scheduled for Saturday.. everyone that I can think of has been invited, Including my husband's parents. Yesterday at around 10AM we get a phone call. My husband's parents have decided that they're going to drive down to surprise Lulu on her birthday. Well, not only did that surprise her but it also caught me completely off guard. I haven't been spending every waking moment cleaning because I've been spending it catching up on sleep and getting used to having a new baby in our family. But, needless to say I get a little freaked out when I don't have things cleaned the way I think they should be. Then double that when unexpected company decides to show up. Feels more like a surprise inspection than a visit.
Usually when I feel this way it reminds me of conversations that my paternal grandmother would have with me. She would talk about how awful of a housewife my mother was. She would tell me that my mother had stolen quilts from her. We lived next door to her until I was 14 and at one point she showed me pictures that she'd taken of the rooms in our house while we weren't home. Mind you, this irritates me to no end. She actually took the time to go into our home, take pictures, and have them developed so that she could have something to be upset about (or "proof" that she had a "reason" to be upset). Not only that but she had the nerve to discuss MY mother with ME. How exactly was I supposed to feel about that? "Oh, thank you Grandmother, for showing me that no matter what I can count on you to sneak around behind our backs to pick to death what we are and aren't doing!!" "thank you for showing me that Mom doesn't clean to your standards (bi the way, what are your standards? cause you never showed me either)
I'm working on putting my grandmother's voice out of my head and instead building routines that will help me keep house the way I want to.

Obession

I have a new passion or I guess you could call it a vice. If I'm the only adult in the house the tv is on Food Network. I absolutely love it. I love to create and of course I love to eat. So, I guess it goes without saying that cooking would become something that I enjoy at some point in my life. It's a good thing too, because if I'm not cooking something from scratch then whatever I'm eating isn't good for me, like take-out for example. Now I'm not knocking that kind of living. But for me... it's not something that I want to do for a long period of time. Because I start hateing to eat. I've literally said it before "I'm so sick of eating! It's always the same garbage!!" So, preparing something from scratch or something that I haven't eaten before gives me a reason to eat.
I've been getting my ideas from savingdinner.com for the last 4 years. I love her. I was very stressed before I found her and her sister (FLYlady). I'm trying to get my flying back together; it's taking longer than I'd hoped it would but with a new precious baby and getting used to wearing that hat again... I can live with a few areas of the house being tormented by clutter. (Or at least I can lie and say that I can)

On the menu today... Applesauce Pork Chops.

Considering...

I'm considering deleting all pages of my blog and starting from scratch. I feel my life has gone through a complete over haul and maybe the same should be done to the blog..
we'll see.