Not a hairdresser

Feeling grossly inadequate today.
Picture day at Olivia's school... "Daddy wants me to wear a dress and my hair curled." 
Not a hair dresser... it's all I can do to do my own hair. 
Feel like if I'd have tried out for the role of "wife"... I would've failed miserably.

Tried to get her to let me french braid her hair... which I also don't know how to do.
But at least it would've been out of her face and maybe not as "good grief what did you're mother do to your hair!"

Spent so much of the morning on Olivia's hair that I didn't get my hair or makeup done.  Had to put on my makeup at work.  Didn't "do" my hair, so it's stick straight... which I've been told by nearly everyone that it's not becoming and I should always curl my hair.
So, now I'm at work feeling undone.  Thought about taking an hour of PTO so I could've calmed down and gotten my hair done. 

I want to cry.  I don't belong... anywhere. 
Not good at anything... just muddling through life trying to keep everyone else happy...
failing miserably.

Weally busy Wednesday

today was my annual with my good 'ol (well, not-so-old) OBGYN. think Clark Kent... wait I'll go steal a pic... okay got it... hang on...









cute... huh?!?! the pic doesn't do him justice! anyway... I moved to this city with Endometriosis... I actually had to TELL the doctors in my hometown that I had it! After a few years of them 'trying different things". Met this doctor and will not see anyone else... when he leaves here - I will go to him for my visits. Not kidding. I can tell this man anything - trust me when I say anything.. there's not always a filter on my mouth! He's the kind of doctor that I can talk with my small little words and feelings, I can get my point across and he will actually talk back in words that I can understand. (you know the ones that consist of less than 8 syllables) ps. If you have to sign up for a disease in your next life... and enjoy having sex as much as I do... Endo is not for you. Ladies, think of your worst period day ever... then have it ALL OVER YOUR BODY & EVERYDAY. Now, it has eased over the years.. The years with Ex were HELL (sometime I'll tell you a story about him)
anyway... back to today.
Hubs went with me.. cause that's what Hubs does... =) We joke, we laugh, we pick on each other.. just being us. we're sitting in the room.. waiting.. waiting.. waiting for the dr. I'm in my ab fab paper gown (I hope they recycle) It's been too long...
"while we waiting.. why don't you come over here and do me"
"haha"
"I'm serious, get over here"
"you used to tell me to stay away from you before these appointments"
"No, I said you couldn't "finish" before these appointments. I've never told you to stay away from me"
"So, you wanna make a mess before he gets in here?!"
"Sure, If you're late for the party.. you get stuck cleaning up the mess!"
Hubby shakes his head....
"haha"
needless to say.. he didn't run over to me... I'm hoping it was the fear I imagine he has of being caught.
So the doc comes in .. we catch up... no problems.. no birth control... I want something to help my metabolism.. (get rid of this ahem.. apartment that LuLu left behind) and give me about 16 more hours in each day.
We proceed to talk while he 'examines' me... NOT FUN. it always hurts.. always.. pokin' prodin' I feel like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Then he starts the ovary squeeze. okay... can we say pain? I mean for god's sake the man had his elbow in there!! He felt something - not right- with my right ovary.. said it could be the endo again... or a "chocolate cyst"... "that's not from eating too much chocolate is it? Cause there's gonna be more if so" He assures me that chocolate isn't a problem for my cysts and doesn't add that it could be impacting my waistline... *see I told you he's a good one* signs me up for an ultrasound.. and we're outta there. Two weeks till the appt. Geesh.. and weird thing.. my left ovary has been killing me for days... I always say it's the endo. I'm just used to the pain. I'm used to it, It's part of me. I'm sure it's not as bad as other women's endo problems so, I'm thankful for that. No matter what, it could always be worse.
Hubs and I went to our favorite little chocolate store after the appointment for a treat. He gets something that I call nipples in there... I'm sorry they look like little tits with nipples on 'em.. I'll take pic and post it later - He jokes with "H", the girl there, that he has to get his nipples in pairs because an odd amount would just be weird. (He's a nipple guy.. no really.. he is. I'd met "leg" men, foot fetish people, lingerie guys... he's my first admited "nipple guy")
then to a little Barbeque place we like to go to for a quick "no kids" lunch. I've told hubs "the only way it could be any better, would be if they put in a titty bar" I don't think our state allows the full view but hey.. I'd still go.. nothing like dinner and a show.. except for lunch and a show... ;-)
Bought a few books... Michael J. Fox's "Always Looking UP' (I need some optimism now and then), and for my sci-fi fix... I got.. "Marked" by P.C. and Kristin Cast and "Unclean Spirits" by M.L.N. Hanover. I plan to read them.. that's the best I can offer.